Been a Bad Blogger - Some Updates

Ok, ok, I've been a really bad blogger. Last time I was here I was over 14 weeks, and now I am nearly 21 weeks. Bad, bad blogger. So here is an update on what happened over the last few weeks since.

15 Week appointment - I had an appointment that was a week after I last posted due to that high blood pressure situation. At this appointment the blood pressure was perfectly fine, so the week before must have been a fluke or some weird anxiety thing. I also had my blood drawn for quad screen and then my 1hr glucose test, which I learned later I failed. But I still had no weight gain at that point, so the midwife told me to go ahead and enjoy myself on Thanksgiving. And I did.

15, 16 & 17+ weeks - Baby bump really started to make it's appearance and maternity clothes became a constant wardrobe must. I no longer looked like I just put on a few pounds. A little, not only fat, belly was starting to show.

Mom visit - My mom came to visit in the beginning of December. I worked my butt off to get my house all decorated for Christmas and cleaned, and got my business in order before she got here to make sure I could take some time off. It was great spending time together one-on-one which I never really get to do with my mom often. She took me on a maternity clothes shopping spree, which was awesome. Then we took a trip to NYC for a couple nights, did some more shopping and went to the Radio City Christmas Spectacular. Overall the trip with mom was a pretty great visit.

Christmas season - It was a crazy, busy time of year for me. I had a new client that came on that had lots of set-up to do. Plus it was holiday mailing season so I was going crazy trying to get all my clients calendars/greeting cards out, plus send holiday cards for my own business, not to mention to do my personal Christmas cards. All that on top of all the regular client work. And somehow I needed to sneak my Christmas shopping in there as well. And did I mention that I had to somehow fit a 3hr glucose test in there too?
I was working at a crazy pace and it was pretty stressful. But I managed to get through it, get it all done, and have some time to occasionally breathe. I am still busy but the added stress of Christmas is now over.

Christmas Eve - Our Christmas was pretty awesome. Christmas Eve I managed to work, clean the main floor of the house, dress up, go to mass, and then come home and fix our dinner for two... Whew! But somehow I got it in my hormonally challenged brain that Mr. H2O failed to recognize my work to make things nice, felt unappreciated, blah blah blah. But really, these days, it doesn't take much to make me cry or overreact. So I realized later that I let my hormones get the best of me and it was pretty much in my head.

Christmas Day - This Christmas was a great day. It was sunny but cold. We headed up to my in-laws house and spent such a lovely day with Mr. H2O's family, who I love. Food was great, my niece and nephew were so much fun to play with and be around, and I realized how next year our baby will be here and get to share in all the wonderfullness. And my mother and father-in-law are so very generous, and spoiled us and baby rotten. Among many of the great gifts they got us, we received our baby bedding that I have been coveting for months. It was a fabulous day.

Movement - I had been feeling very small movements over the past few weeks. Pretty much started at the end of 18 weeks where I was sure I was feeling baby and not the rumbling of my digestive system. I feel a little more each day, and this week they are stronger and way more frequent. So very cool. And If I didn't think it was real before, it's a definite reminder that this definitely is.

I promise there will be more to come bout my last appointment and more in my next post.

20 weeks, 6 days

There's A Baby in There

This is from our 1st ultrasound last night. There is a baby in there! Measuring right on schedule and with a great 163bpm heartbeat and everything. It was so cool to see the little thing in there, and I think Mr. H2O got just a little excited about it too (though he keeps his cards close to the chest).

I am starting to slowly let the cat out of the bag now. Starting to tell my parents and immediate family today and we'll tell my In-laws while on our vacation this week. Everyone else we will tell when we get back from Mexico.

So exciting, isn't it? Now this is really starting to feel real.

It's August... On To Another One

So I've been a little absent. The trip to PDX that went along with my grandmother's passing left me super busy when I got back. I barely got time to catch my breath and catch up on work since my Father and family arrived for a visit 2 days after I got back. Then last week was a flurry of activity with family visiting and still trying to get work done.

Now that I can finally catch my breath, I feel like complete utter shit. I just can't find the energy, motivation, or amount of ibuprofen to get to feel like getting work done or be productive. I just feel sucky.

Doesn't help that AF arrived yesterday so now we are on to cycle... oh I think I've lost count. I think maybe 7 or 8. That break we took in April is throwing me off. But anyway, the last cycle was another one afflicted by bad timing and my body not being so predictable.

It just does not want to cooperated and O at around the same time every cycle and it is driving me crazy. And it seems to happen at the worst times or times when gettin' busy are not possible. The month before I O'd way earlier than I expected... while family was visiting. Now this last cycle I had O'd way LATER than before and of course it happened to fall when I had to leave town for my grandmother's death & funeral. The timing has just sucked lately.

So this cycle should be different. We're not going anywhere, no one is visiting, life should be "normal"... and much easier to get our timing right. Let's just see when my body decides to O this time.

Attention ovaries: Please cooperate and O in a timely manner. Thank you.

CD 2

I Don't Want Her To Go

I'm an emotional mess right now. Last week my mother informed me that they found that my 86 year old grandmother has cancer. At her age, mental state and physical state, there really isn't much they can do to treat the cancer without harming her further. So basically she's going to die soon.

She was in pain, they've started her on morphine, hospice is involved, and my mother says she may have 1 to 2 more months. This pretty much sucks.

I am beyond upset about it. Growing up, I was extremely close with her. She practically helped raise me and my siblings. She watched us quite often when my parents worked. In the summer, we spent nearly every day at her house in her pool. We were some of her only grandchildren that lived close to her (before we left CA when I was 11) so we all grew very close with her. When my grandfather died, I was so worried about her and didn't want her to be alone in the house, so I spent nearly every night I could at my grandma's, especially around that first Christmas he was gone.

So now I am leaving this week for an unexpected trip back to Portland. Right now she is still lucid, awake and happy, so my Mom advised that if I needed to see her, sooner rather than later would be good. So I'm going out to see, hug and kiss my grandma for what will probably be the very last time. What do you do and what do you say when you know it will be the last time ever that you will see someone? What do you do when you don't want them to go?

I feel like a little kid, asking why do people have to die? I don't want her to go. I wish she could live forever... or at least till 100. I knew that at one day it was going to happen and she was going to die. We're all gonna die someday. I know that. I just wish it wasn't going to be cancer for her. I wish it wasn't happening this soon.

I can stop being so sad about it.

Lots on my mind: Law of Attraction

Ok, So I am new to practicing this law of attraction thing. Over the last few months, the subject keeps coming up in different business seminars I've attended, tv shows I watched, or random conversations. So something was telling me to check it out. And I did, and I have been cautiously studying it the last few months.

This whole, "thoughts are things", power of positive thinking, and vision board phenomena is interesting to me to say the least. I have seen and drawn parallels with my past that this sort of thing has been working through my life and I didn't even know it. And it has nothing to do with my belief or disbelieve in God or organized religion (a post for a different day). But maybe this law of attraction stuff is real and I have always known it, just in a different form.

It has occurred to me that I really "got it" when I was a young child and it has somehow permeated my adult life too, but not as obvious. When I was young, I was always known as the daydreamer, my head in the clouds. But that was the way I was. A Dreamer. I liked to makebelieve, I liked to make up visions of what I would be when I "grew up". There was no upheaval. Money was no object. I didn't have any worries. Anything bad that came up, I would just let it roll off my back.

It wasn't until I was much older, and when I was convinced to stop daydreaming and start listening to the "real world", that things like doubt and negativity really entered my mind. Even as an adult, though probably subconsciously, I still held on to those same childhood dreams of everything being just as I wanted, or always holding a positive attitude and letting things roll of my back like "duck feathers" (as some past coworkers had told me they secretly nicknamed me).

I've watched The Secret, I've seen the shows, I've read the essays, articles and sites from the major law of attraction "gurus". What I am doing is not relying on any one book, or one movie, or one guru, and I am piecing together ideals and practices that make sense to my life at it is now. I am going back to try and be that dreamer I was as a child. There really was nothing wrong with that.

So I am applying these new ways of thinking to my business and especially to my personal life. I am daydreaming and envisioning the dream for my business, and for my real life. And quite obviously, my dreams and vision involves babies and a happy family as well as a successful business (that'll run by itself). Here's to a clear vision an to hope for my dreams to come true.

Back to Life

We have our house back to ourselves agan. It's nice to get back to routine and all, but it is a little sad to have the house a little emptier after everyone has left.

I just spent last week hosting my mom, brother and sister at my house for some fun. We did all the things you do out here, shopping, visiting the city and heading down the shore for a day. And we were even lucky enough to catch a performance by Mr. H2O's band too. I really had a whole lot of fun while they were here. I only get to see my family once or twice a year, so I need to make the most of it.

Then we dropped lil' sis off in NY and she is heading to South Africa for the next 5 months. She is going to have the most amazing experience there and I am so happy for her. But I already miss her a little too. Spending 8 hours in the car to drop her off and drive back home was a little, well... boring/annoying/monotonous (you spend 8 hours with your mom in a car and tell me how fun it is... really, I love you mom, but in slightly smaller doses).

And though it's a little sad to have the house empty again, it is nice too.

CD 16 (where's the O?)