Dear Ovaries,

My Dearest Ovaries,

If you would please cooperate this next cycle, that would be wonderful. I'd preferably like you to do your work in a timely fashion, like CD 14, or somewhere right around there. I know you can do it, you've done it before. So if you can get into gear around then, that would be great.

If you're not able to do it that soon, that's ok, but please do it in some predictable and easy to detect fashion. Mr. H2O and I luckily have a pretty clear schedule, so there should be no interruptions this time to try and catch that egg.

I'm thrilled that you are even managing to ovulate "normally" now, but if you can do anything to help us time it out better would be great. And if we don't catch the egg this cycle (though I have hope that we will), ovulating around the same time in subsequent cycles will be much appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

Warmest Regards,
Mrs. H20


CD 4

It's August... On To Another One

So I've been a little absent. The trip to PDX that went along with my grandmother's passing left me super busy when I got back. I barely got time to catch my breath and catch up on work since my Father and family arrived for a visit 2 days after I got back. Then last week was a flurry of activity with family visiting and still trying to get work done.

Now that I can finally catch my breath, I feel like complete utter shit. I just can't find the energy, motivation, or amount of ibuprofen to get to feel like getting work done or be productive. I just feel sucky.

Doesn't help that AF arrived yesterday so now we are on to cycle... oh I think I've lost count. I think maybe 7 or 8. That break we took in April is throwing me off. But anyway, the last cycle was another one afflicted by bad timing and my body not being so predictable.

It just does not want to cooperated and O at around the same time every cycle and it is driving me crazy. And it seems to happen at the worst times or times when gettin' busy are not possible. The month before I O'd way earlier than I expected... while family was visiting. Now this last cycle I had O'd way LATER than before and of course it happened to fall when I had to leave town for my grandmother's death & funeral. The timing has just sucked lately.

So this cycle should be different. We're not going anywhere, no one is visiting, life should be "normal"... and much easier to get our timing right. Let's just see when my body decides to O this time.

Attention ovaries: Please cooperate and O in a timely manner. Thank you.

CD 2

Lots on my mind: Law of Attraction

Ok, So I am new to practicing this law of attraction thing. Over the last few months, the subject keeps coming up in different business seminars I've attended, tv shows I watched, or random conversations. So something was telling me to check it out. And I did, and I have been cautiously studying it the last few months.

This whole, "thoughts are things", power of positive thinking, and vision board phenomena is interesting to me to say the least. I have seen and drawn parallels with my past that this sort of thing has been working through my life and I didn't even know it. And it has nothing to do with my belief or disbelieve in God or organized religion (a post for a different day). But maybe this law of attraction stuff is real and I have always known it, just in a different form.

It has occurred to me that I really "got it" when I was a young child and it has somehow permeated my adult life too, but not as obvious. When I was young, I was always known as the daydreamer, my head in the clouds. But that was the way I was. A Dreamer. I liked to makebelieve, I liked to make up visions of what I would be when I "grew up". There was no upheaval. Money was no object. I didn't have any worries. Anything bad that came up, I would just let it roll off my back.

It wasn't until I was much older, and when I was convinced to stop daydreaming and start listening to the "real world", that things like doubt and negativity really entered my mind. Even as an adult, though probably subconsciously, I still held on to those same childhood dreams of everything being just as I wanted, or always holding a positive attitude and letting things roll of my back like "duck feathers" (as some past coworkers had told me they secretly nicknamed me).

I've watched The Secret, I've seen the shows, I've read the essays, articles and sites from the major law of attraction "gurus". What I am doing is not relying on any one book, or one movie, or one guru, and I am piecing together ideals and practices that make sense to my life at it is now. I am going back to try and be that dreamer I was as a child. There really was nothing wrong with that.

So I am applying these new ways of thinking to my business and especially to my personal life. I am daydreaming and envisioning the dream for my business, and for my real life. And quite obviously, my dreams and vision involves babies and a happy family as well as a successful business (that'll run by itself). Here's to a clear vision an to hope for my dreams to come true.

On to a New Cycle

Today is day 1 of cycle #6. Yeah me! Today I feel like celebrating with a bag of chocolate, a bottle of wine and a bottle of advil.

I had things all wrong with this last cycle, probably because of one missed day, and interruptions in life. It ended up being shorter than previous ones I've had. And I pretty much suck at timing it right... or at least the O time hasn't necessarily worked in our favor.
Last cycle, I happened to have my family visiting, and it looks like it was during my "fertile period". Of course that fertile period was a little earlier than expected. But also, I have thins thing about gettin' busy when I have family members visiting at the house... It's kind of less likely to happen. And my whole schedule was interrupted with less sleep and more alcohol drinking. But I thought I may have been in the clear and had some earlier "fluke" high temps then O'd after that. But since what I had of my LP was amounting to only 10 days (way too short for me), I knew I had to be wrong.

Nope. Looks like I was wrong. It looks like the day I "actually" O'ed was a day that I happened to not take my temp. A morning after I was up until 3:30 am at the band's show. Then I had a couple days of high temps that I thought were just due to my house being abnormally hot those mornings and lack of sleep. But now that AF arrived today, I don't think that was the case.

So we totally missed the O. No March baby. Time to try for an April one. I am vowing to try our hardest not to miss it this time. We will FLB for 2 weeks straight if we have to.

Another 2ww - Some Craziness Ensues

I had another PCOS victory in that I actually O'd again, so that makes me happy. Now I've entered another 2ww, and that means 2 weeks of waiting, wondering, and acting sort of like a crazy person.

So what are my crazy person symptoms? Well, I seem to have the need to feel myself up every now and to verify that my boobs are indeed tender (and they are). I also psych myself out about every twinge, headache, etc that are pg symptoms from my phantom baby (probably more like a food baby).

Another crazy person symptom is that I seem to wander into the baby sections at local retailers with the overwhelming urge to buy just 1 thing to save for Mr. H2O to give him when I get that elusive BFP. And I actually do it. Nothing big, just a onesie that says "My Daddy is #1". I've been buying little things like that here and there for the past year that will be a cute gift to give him when I do get my BFP. I like cheeky, sarcastic onsies and "daddy" themed things that I think he would enjoy, and get him excited.

Some people say that doing the above will just jinx us... I guess I'm sometimes surround by lots of superstitious people. But I don't want to be superstitious. I want to have hope. I do have hope. And I am so freakin' excited for the day where I get to surprise Mr. H2O with a positive pee stick and some of the goodies I've been saving for our baby.

17 Teenagers Knocked Up? On Purpose?

What the hell happened to the world? So 17 girls in one school in MA, no older than the age of 16, have all gotten knocked up. And allegedly it was on purpose... some "pregnancy pact" that these girls made. WTF?

Do these girls have any idea what they are in for? Do they know the likelihood of them being in poverty because of their teen pregnancy? It is such a sick sad situation, especially since many of these girls have no business having children at that age.

I think many of them envision that baby bumps are "cute", and how "cute" they will look walking down the halls at school with a kick ass stroller. How "cute" will they think it is when they have a screaming infant at 3am, formula and diapers to pay for, or the fact that they can't go out with friends or do anything because they have another human being to take care of?

Many in the media say teen pregnancy has been normalized by things such as the movie Juno. I recently saw that movie, and maybe it glamorizes teen pregnancy just a touch, but not much. The character Juno is wise well beyond her years and in fact unlike any teenager I have meet in my life. What teenager talks like that?

I think what really normalized teen pregnancy in these teens' minds is the fact that their own school had a free in-house daycare, and even encouraged students to use it in their freshman sex-ed class. "How cool!! I get pg in high school and I won't have to worry because the school will take care of my kid!" *barf*

What ever happened to those after school specials? You know, the ones that showed teen pregnancy and how sucky it makes life, how hard it is, and how people will shun and look down on you. Basically the ones that scared the crap out of kids to never have sex... ever. Heck, those slide shows in health class showing all the gross std pictures were enough for me to remain a virgin for a long time.

Well whatever. It'll be interesting to see how many of these girls make a good decision to give up the babies to loving couples, how many make something of themselves as single moms, or how many become drains on the welfare system.

I just hope to God that if I have daughters, that I will have raised them with the brains enough not to do something like this. Or I can put the fear of god in them about sex like my mother did.

Why can't I be half as fertile as some of these crazy bitches in MA? I've worked hard, I'm ready maturity wise & financially, and I deserve a baby.

Happy Fathers Day

Happy Father's Day to my dad today! I must not forget to call him today.

I am sincerely hoping that next year's father's day will be Mr. H2O's first. He will be such a great dad. Even my mom said so (shocking I know). Can't wait.

On another note, we had a great time last night at our friend's house warming/bbq/kegger party. It was hot and humid as hell, but Tom's parties are always fun. The band played, the cops came once (but we had until 10pm so screw the psycho neighbor 3 blocks over), and then the band's set got cut short due to the insane thunderstorm that came through. I've never seen the band's stuff get packed up so fast. And I might have let slip that we are ttc to some of the gals, but oh well. It's hard to hide the clear fact that I have babies on the brain much of the time.


CD 7

NEXT!

No luck on this last one. Now I'm on to cycle #5. I know everyone was waiting with baited breath.

Mr. H2O says that I'm putting all this pressure on myself. I disagree. I mean I do have this thing about wanting to have at least 1 kid before I turn 30. And since my 29th birthday is a month away, my time for that goal is running out in a few months. But it won't be the end of the world if our first kid doesn't arrive before then.

Am I setting myself up for disappointment? I don't think so. Sure, I am a little disappointed when AF arrives instead of a bfp, but I need to keep a positive attitude and move on to the next chance. It's not time to freak out yet.

Nope, I'm just on to a new cycle where I hope that we sucessfully knock out AF on her ass and have a healthy baby on the way. I hope this will be the one.

I Must Stop Reading The Scary Stuff

Some of the my faborite blogs the I like to follow lately are the ones regarding pregnancy/fertility/ttc. I especially love the honest ones that tells it to you like it is. They talk about the real stuff "they" (they = moms/doctors/the rest of the world) don't tell you. Yes, I'm baby obsessed. It is part of my sickness.

Well some of these great funny ladies have recently had their babies. Their birth stories can sound scary enough, but I have come to expect that. Births can have all sorts of twists and turns and it of course is painful. But now I'm reading about the joys of post-partum... now that is scaring the crap out of me. The bleeding, the stitches, the swelling, the pain, the catheters, etc. This is the stuf they seriously don't tell you. It must be the "mom-nesia" that everyone talks about that makes them forget all the crappy stuff that happens afterwards.

I seriously need to stop reading all this before it changes my mind.

Wish My Body Was Predictable

**Caution... Do not read if you do not want to know personal gritty details about my body or personal life**

It is so weird to go on my whole adult life trying to avoid pregnancy and now throwing caution to the wind and trying to get knocked up seems almost unnatural. But it is exciting.

This is the thing about PCOS that really sucks. Now that I care what's going on with my reproductive and want to get pregnant and all, my body does not want to cooperate naturally. I respond to the pill beautifully, it's once off the pill that my ovaries go haywire. I can go 3 months with no sign of my period because I wasn't ovulating.

Now I'm on Metformin and it seems to be helping a lot with the ovulating issue from what my charts can tell. Now I just wish it would happen around the same time in some predictable fashion. Yes, I know that's what charting is for, but sometimes my pre-O patterns are all over the place. Sometimes it will happen early, and other cycles I O WAY late.

So here I am, waiting to O. Could be tomorrow, could be a week from tomorrow. Wish I had a crystal ball that would just tell me. This week have things to do, and places to go where doing-the-deed will not really be possible.

Cooperate ovaries! Cooperate!

Are We Stealthly TTC?

Wow, posts 2 days in a row?? Shocking I know.

Okay, so maybe I should drop the vague act and let it be known that the Mr & Mrs H2O are trying to expand our family (well sort of... more on that soon).

I know I said before that I was going to keep it all secret because I am all superstitious like that... but I need SOMEWHERE to vent and talk about it. So here it is, I am going public. I know there are a few family and friends that know about this blog... so don't make a big deal about it or anything.

So are we or are aren't we TTC? Well at the start of the year, we were. Then after 3 unsuccessful cycles, Mr H2O had recommended that we take a break for awhile to get my health back on track. I was incredibly upset about this because why delay more of what I want so badly. But he was sort-of right. I was back in the "business is running me" phase, I gained back much of the weight I lost last year, and my eating habits and time management was atrocious. So I needed to go back and re prioritize and put me and my health at numero uno. So signed up for gym membership (and sticking to it) and back on Weight Watchers I go.

I've taken some positive steps forward, reduced my office hours, and have also worked on a new attitude (this law-of-attraction thing I'm experimenting with). So far I'm back down 6 lbs and I'm getting a lot happier.

So now that I'm on a better path, and I think Mr H2O may go along with our ttc break being over. We talked the other day briefly since I am anxious that my 29th birthday is coming up quick and I have always had this thing about wanting at least one baby in my arms by the time I'm 30. I told him that "we better get busy". He didn't exactly act opposed to it, but there was no, "ok let's go for it" either.

So as it stands now, I continue to stay on the positive, healthy path and I think we'll take the "whatever happens, happens" approach. Just be relaxed about it... Though I'll still be temping and charting to feed the fever.

Baby Rabies - "When it's more than a fever"

I recently added to my blog roll of my favorite blogs (I'll continually add more) a blog called Baby Rabies. It is a condition that not only the writer ther suffers, but I'm afraid I suffer from it too. My main symptoms seem to be extreme impatience for starting to TTC (that's try to conceive to folks that are not down with the baby crazy verbaige) and complete loss of all practical and rational thought at the mere site of the baby department at Target. Not to mention the tunnel vision I have when I see nothing but pregnant women everywhere I go.

While having this last weekend to myself, when I wasn't working I found myself lurking about on the Nest (www.thenest.com - a great message board site) checking out messages from other women ttc or pregnant and drooling over thier pictures of their nurseries all set up. Then I found myself bookmarking my favortie baby sites on the net for future use, picking out my favorite bedding. Ugh, this is more than just a fever. Mr H20 has no idea how bad it is.

Anyway, Baby Rabies is an extremely entertaining blog and I found that I am not the only one that suffers this sickness. I can totally relate to everything she says. Now I need to read up on her tips on how to infect your husband.

Married Life of H2O

Just celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary! Yeah!

Mr. H2O and I celebrated 3 married years together on Tuesday (the 29th). We went and had a nice quiet dinner at one of my favorite places, Dock's Oyster House in Atlantic City and we practically closed the place down. It was a weekday after Memorial Day weekend an we came in a bit later in the evening, so obviously it was not very busy. But it was nice, we had the place almost to ourselves. I love that restaurant, but it is really only a place we can go for special occasions like that since it's a bit expensive.

Overall, it's been a great three years. Sometimes it feels like longer, but that's because we've been together about 7 years now. We've enjoyed being married and our time as just to two of us. But I think the time of being just the two of us is coming to an end... well at least I hope it is coming to an end... soon.

I of course have total baby fever and it's growing by the day. I've probably had it for the whole 3 years we've been married, but now it is getting unbearable. Now it seems everyone I know has just found out they are pregnant or just had a baby. Don't get me wrong, I am totally thrilled for all of them and so happy that they are starting their families. But I want it to be my turn now, it is time. Mr. H2O is making us wait.

What's the hurry? I'm not in a hurry, it's just time. I've always wanted to be a mom my whole life, and I'm at the perfect point in my life to be able to do that with my home business and our improved money sitution. I'm almost 28, and though a lot would say that I "have plenty of time", I was diagnosed with PCOS and that's a strike against me. I'm worried about what problems that will cause and if we don't start now, as I get older it will be harder to conceive. My grandma always says 90% of the things you worry about never happen... but I'm still gonna worry.

At this point, Mr. H2O says he's at "almost". Now I'm just trying to figure out what takes him from "almost" to "sure let's go for it". In the meantime, I'll just look at all the pictures of my friends and families' babies and nurseries and hope my turn is coming soon.